Finding the Happiness

I apologize to all my loyal fans (AKA, my mommy and daddy) who have been anxiously awaiting another blog from our corner of the world. To be honest, pregnancy is not agreeing with me so well at the moment. In other words, I am just about the crankiest person on the face of this planet at the moment. Sometimes I think I have good reason to be cranky; after all, I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant, I am tired, uncomfortable, can't sleep well at night, have swollen feet, and not to mention this very large belly. I have been acutely aware this pregnancy how hard it is to carry all this extra weight. I haven't gained much more than I did with my other two, but for some reason I am feeling heavier on my feet. Trying to tote around two kids, one of whom needs to be carried at times, and you can see why I am a tired mama! But nonetheless, women have been doing it for a very long time before me and will continue doing it after me and we all survive and get through it. As much as I gripe, I will miss it. There is something so special and awe inspiring about creating and growing a life inside of you. Knowing that this is probably the last time I will do so has me feeling a bit sad.

Maybe it is the weather. I am not a hot climate kind of person and with the temperatures creeping up to ONE HUNDRED DEGREES the last two days, it has not made me a happy camper. To heck with the electricity bill, I have been turning the A/C down so I won't completely lose my mind!

Maybe it is me feeling a bit lonely. This being my third pregnancy, I've realized that I've never had family or my best friends around to share it with. I've never had people waiting in the delivery room to visit or my mom by my side helping me through labor. Doing it alone plain sucks. You want to be able to share this special time with everyone you love and the best that you can do is a phone call and birth announcement in the mail.

Maybe it is me being scared of having a third child. Materially, I feel prepared: we just got a bigger car, Richard's parents kindly purchased our double stroller and carseat, I preregistered at the hospital and have my bag pretty much packed. But mentally I don't know if I'm ready to take on another child. Am I ready for the sleepless nights? Am I ready to deal with Serena's clingy-ness while trying to care for an infant? Am I ready to run errands with three kids in tow, when at this moment I am struggling doing it with two? Now to be fair, part of the problem IS that I am pregnant and out of energy so getting two kids in and out of carseats is really hard. But getting three kids in and out? Like that will be easier!

I have been trying hard to focus on the positives, the good things in my life, the things that make me happy:

Happiness is ... my children.
Happiness is ... knowing without a doubt that we have the two most beautiful girls on the planet. Happiness is ... hearing "Mommy, I love you" twenty times a day out of the blue from a three-year-old, usually followed by "you're the best mommy in the whole world".
Happiness is ... seeing your one-year-old climb up on a small chair for the first time alone, turn around to sit and applaud proudly at herself while swinging her little legs which don't even come near the ground.
Happiness is ... watching that one-year-old walk up to her big sister and plant a huge kiss right on her belly (because that is as high as she can reach).
Happiness is ... watching your three-year-old score six goals in her soccer game and realizing that she just might be even more of a soccer star than you were.
Happiness is ... having your three-year-old run ahead of you up the stairs to get her little sister up because she wants to be the first to see her. Then making your own way up the stairs you hear that sweet laughter coming from the room and come upon two sets of bright blue eyes and two heads of sweet blonde hair peeking out over the crib bars.
Happiness is ... reading your child her My Goodnight Book each night before bed, followed sometimes by Prayers for a Little girl, which your dad used to read to you before bed. Happiness is ... tucking your kids in at 7:30pm and unwinding with a bowl of ice cream (perhaps soon to be something stronger!).
Happiness is ... being the one your kids run to when they get hurt because despite growing up and being independent, they still need their mommy or daddy.
Happiness is ... an ice cold Diet Pepsi.
Happiness is ... a new car, in the form of something used and so much better than you expected to find in your price range.
Happiness is ... family dinners...every night.
Happiness is ... laying eyes upon your baby for the first time, holding her/him in your arms and feeling a love so powerful that there are simply no words.
Happiness is ... having the same person share your hopes and dreams, your life, for nearly six years and counting.

Happiness is ... realizing that you truly have the perfect family.
I could go on. My point is, happiness is not found in a spotless house, in a million dollars, in all the brand name material possesions. It is found in people, in the simple things in life. And if I can just remember that each day then I have succeeded.