Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow!

I was driving along the other day when a song came on the radio that made my heart skip. Isn't it amazing how we can hear a song and it can bring back memories we didn't even know were associated with it? That is exactly what happened to me. The song is nothing special, not even one that I particulary loved. It was a sad song (of course) and immediately when I heard it I was reminded of Jameson being in the hospital. I was reminded of all those hours I spent in the car driving back and forth to the hospital, all the songs I listened to on the radio. For some reason, this one stuck out to me and I will forever associate it with Jameson's ordeal. I can think of other songs that take me back to a certain time and place in life. Sometimes it's sad because I long for that time again, I miss those moments. I am happy with where I am, but I struggle with change. I would not have been a good long term military wife because I would have hated moving from base to base every few years. I am the kind of person that wants to settle down and stay there for years and years. The kind of person who wants to raise my family in the same house for twenty years. The kind of mom who will keep her kids' rooms exactly as they left them when they go off to college (*gulp*). I HATE CHANGE. So being reminded of good times is bittersweet for me. I always wish I could somehow go back and relive certain times, do things that I know I will never do again. But life doesn't work like that so I have to keep moving forward and making new memories.

I have been struggling emotionally lately with getting rid of our baby things. We have a lot of baby and kid things (when I say a lot, I really mean it! If you have seen our house, you know we have a lot). But with an impending move and putting our house on the market in just a few months, I am on a mission to clear out the clutter and get organized. And this means getting rid of things we don't need anymore. A few weeks ago I went through all of the girls' old clothes and finally threw out anything with stains, rips or fading. Most of the other things went into a bag to take to sell at a consignment shop when I get around to it. And of course quite a few things went into a box to save because they were just too special to throw out. This freed up a lot of space and about three big bins. So while I was happy about that, letting go of everything is hard. Something you should know about me is that I remember EVERYTHING (okay, not everything, but I have a great memory and retain a lot). So I could go through all the old baby clothes and for about 90% tell you either where I got them or who gave them to me and probably a story about a time that one of the kids wore it. Yes, I remember those little details. So it was really hard to go through and try to pick out the extra special pieces because everything was special to me. Probably the hardest thing to part with was the 0-3 month pajamas. They are nothing special, they come mostly from the BX, KMart and Ross when we lived in Guam. But they are the only clothes that ALL my babies wore as newborns. Every night I put these pjs on each of my babies. I bundled each of them in the same blankets. And I put them to bed in the same basinett by my bed. And now I am having to part with them. I know some people would call me overly emotional or overly attached to these material things. But it is so much more than that to me. They are memories, they are reminders of the times my children were babies. They grow so fast that before long it is hard to believe they even fit in those tiny clothes in the first place.

After cleaning out the closets I went into the garage and cleaned up several big baby items we don't need and put them on craigslist. The one thing I have sold is the high chair. That was really hard to part with too. We have had it for four years, since Calli was four months old! She ate her first bite of rice cereal in there. Then her sister followed suit two and a half years later. And then her brother did as well. But having the high chair in my kitchen made me realize that it took up way too much room in my tiny nook and it was going to bother me. So I got a cool new clip on booster seat online and I really love it. I try not to think about the high chair that I sold. As a friend pointed out to me, another mom needs it now to make memories with her kids.

Why is it so hard to give up the baby things? After all, they are just things. I still have my kids, happy and healthy. The material posessions should be irrelevant. If my house was on fire, I wouldn't save those, I would save the people. But I am realizing that I am not the only one holding on. Several friends and family members have told me that they, too, can't seem to let go of the baby things, no matter how long it has been. I think by getting rid of these things we are admitting that our children are growing up and sometimes that thought is too much to bear. Who wants to think about the fact that someday our babies will grow up and leave us, get married, move away? Not me, that's for sure.