Life

The kids are fighting.  All of them.  Mostly just the older two though.  Fighting over everything.  One minute they are playing so sweetly and I smile with that feeling of pride and love for my beautiful little angels.  Then it's as if none of that ever happened and they are bickering so quickly it will make your head spin and your blood boil.  Why??

And the tattling, oh the tattling!!  Do they think I can't hear what is going on myself?

My (least) favorite phrase to hear to from the other room:  UH-OH!!  Hearing this phrase uttered means it is guaranteed that something just happened that shouldn't have happened.  And I should screw up every bit of patience and understanding I have left in my body to go see the damage.

Jameson has taken to pulling all the ornaments within his reach off of the Christmas tree.  He especially loves the ones shaped like balls because he thinks these are actual balls and will throw them around the room.  Can I take down the tree yet??  I'm so over the pine needles accumulating around the house, the ornaments being found in weird places and the tree being used for a toy.

Dear Serena: if I pour you a bowl of Lucky Charms and you eat only the marshmellows like I specifically told you not to do, I will not get you more cereal until the rest of it is gone as well.  Period.

The thing I probably dislike the most about the holidays?  All the candy, cookies and other sweets that accumulate.  Not only is it bad for me and my waistline, but I have to hear Calli beg for candy no less than thirty-six times a day.  I just managed to get the Halloween candy out of the house and now we will have a sufficient amount to last us until Valentine's Day, when our supply will no doubt be replenished.

No Jameson, you may not play with the gum, camera, phone, hand sanitizer, tape, coins, pens, glue stick, chapstick or any other item that comes out of the drawer you are not supposed to be in.

My house is covered in paper, most of it crumpled up and partly colored on.  Why?  Because the kids love to color and do it like their life depends on it.  We are singly handedly responsible for the demise of entire forests every year (come to think of it, maybe I should start planting some new trees to make up for it).  And God forbid you throw one of these precious drawings in the trash.  Now let me pause for a minute to tell you that I love my kids' artwork.  Calli draws fantastically well for her age and Serena is just now starting to draw those little egg people and it won't be long before she is drawing detailed pictures just like her sister.  She is going through the same stage that Calli did at that age: she colors a picture and then loves to fold it up (read: crumple) and gives it to the recipient.  And I don't dare throw things in the trash when she is awake because she will look in there to make sure I haven't tossed any of her priceless artwork.

I'm pretty sure I know what Jameson is getting for his birthday.  We bought two handheld game systems so the girls would not fight over playing and who is constantly stealing them from his sisters?  That would be Jameson of course!!  He doesn't really know how to play, but he thinks it's fun to poke the screen and pretend to play.  Apparently everything we buy needs to come in threes from now on out...

I'm sick and tired about stressing over everything in life.  I want to relax and enjoy the ride, but I'm standing in my own way.  There is never enough time in the day, never enough space in the house, never enough money in the checking account, never enough family nearby to see, never enough activities to get out of the house to do, just never enough.

However if you would like to hear kids arguing, crying, screaming  and terrorizing each other, come on over!! 

There's also love, lots and lots of love.  I do have plenty of that.

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I wrote that entire blog yesterday.  It's amazing to see the ups and downs there are in life and how things are different day to day.  I wasn't going to post it for all the world to see, but then I figured why not?  Being a mom (especially a stay-at-home-mom) isn't always rainbows and butterflies.  I loathe reading those blogs that talk about nothing but the positive aspects of it because let's face it; it isn't always happiness.  Sometimes it's downright hard.

They say that being a stay-at-home-mom is the hardest job.  If our pay was to be properly calculated we should be making upwards of three figures.  I am not one to debate the merits of staying home vs. working.  I think both of them have their challenges and it's not about one choice being better than the other.  I feel lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids, but it doesn't make it easy.  And then I wonder, why do I have the right to gripe and complain about it?  No one asked me to procreate.  No one told me I had to have three kids in four years.  No one told me I had to have kids period.  Why should I act put out and like I am doing something deserving of a medal?  All I am doing is a simple thing that women have been doing for years and years and years before me: raising my kids.  I kind of hate when people praise me for my job because I feel it's not really a job.  What am I doing besides fulfilling my own desires and the desires of my family that I chose to have?  I am not a hero, I am not a martyr or a saint or someone to look up to.  I am not a soldier or a nurse or a teacher or a police officer, those of whom make real differences in the lives of people everywhere; I am simply a mother trying to instill the same values, hopes and dreams in my kids as everyone else out there.  And some days I do wonder if it's enough.

So there you have it.  No, I'm not losing it, but I just wanted you to have a small peek of the downside because there are plenty.  To leave this post on a happy note, there are plenty of upsides.  Like hearing my children laugh, seeing their first steps, being on the receiving end of every hug and kiss, watching the joy on their faces as they ride their bikes...

I could really go on and on and on.  We have brought three beautiful, intelligent, sweet people into this world and no matter what, I am happy to be there every step of the way for their journey through life.

I feel somewhat more balanced today after having rid my house of Christmas decor and cleaned up all the pine needles and other messes around the house.  My linoleum is freshly mopped, the carpet vacuumed and the counters wiped down.  I'm sure the cleanliness will last all of, ohhhh, two days before it's back to it's usual state of disaray :).