Adventures with the Ratcliff Family: Happy 5th Birthday Calli Rose!!

Today you are five years old! How did that happen? I think I blinked and you grew up. As each day passes my memories of my pregnancy and your birth grow more blurry. How can I slow down time just a little so that you stop growing for a bit?

You are my first born and the one who made me a mother. I love you unconditionally and forever. I know we don't always get along and quite frankly, you have the ability to make me want to pull my hair out. But I will always love and protect you.
It was a sunny, Guam day when you came into the world. My water broke around 7am, two days after my due date and I knew it wouldn't be long until I would be holding you in my arms. Who were you though? Boy or girl, I had no idea. I couldn't wait to find out! I took a shower, made sure I had all my stuff together and we headed to the hospital that Wednesday morning. After five extremely painful, pitocin-filled hours, I got an epidural and was able to relax and enjoy the experience of giving birth. It took about forty-five minutes of pushing and you were out. I had told the doctor that I wanted your daddy to be the one to tell me if you were a boy or a girl so she agreed to hold you up right away. When she did, before he could get a word out, I squealed "it's a girl!!!" You were placed on my chest and just stared at me. I remember thinking how beautiful you were, how round your face was, how I was glad you had a little bit of hair, how you had a little stork bite in between your eyebrows. You hardly cried at all in those first moments. They took you away to weigh and measure you and I found out what a tiny little thing you were: six pounds, eight ounces and 17.5 inches long. You were two days late, how could you possibly be so small!? By the time we took you home from the hospital you were tipping the scales at barely six pounds and had us a little concerned. But it was no issue as you put on weight pretty quickly and loved to eat every two hours. Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood. You read all the books, scour the internet for information, talk to your mom and other mom relatives and friends, but it doesn't really matter. Each baby is unique and each experience is different. Once I finally let go and allowed myself to realize that you weren't going to be exactly as the books told me you would be, things got easier. We settled into routines and things got better.
When you were just seven weeks old we upended you halfway across the world. Your birthplace and first home were in Guam, but you were only there for seven weeks (unless you count the nine months in my belly!). We stopped home in California so you could meet all your grandparents and other extended family before heading on to Texas. So far that has been your home for the last few years and I still don't know where to tell people you are from. Someday you might actually live in a place longer than a few years. For now I look forward to the day in school when someone asks you where you were born and you get to tell them "Guam". I am sure not many other small children have heard of that tiny island in the South Pacific Ocean. I had not even heard of it when I was eighteen years old! I didn't have the best experience there, being so young and living away from home for the first time. The island was small, run down and there wasn't a whole lot to do. I didn't make too many friends very easily and I missed my family. But I do have the best souvineer and the best memories because of you. How special that you got to be born in a somewhat exoctic location. None of the rest of your family can say that!
So here we are five years later. We have certainly come a long way. I can hardly see any of that six pound baby left in you. You are growing up before my very eyes: no longer a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, but a LITTLE GIRL. When did that even happen? You have long, beautiful hair and big blue eyes with the longest eyelashes anyone has seen. You have great dance moves, a loving heart and an inquiring mind. You are getting smarter every day, learning new things faster than I can keep up. I am excited for you to begin your next journey in life: off to kindergarten to start your education. How exciting! And yet, it's a little hard at the same time. Five years ago I had five years. I had five years to have you all to myself. To love you, nurture you and raise you. I wiped your tears, kissed your booboos, read you books and was your number one confidant and friend. Now I will have to accept that there will be others to fill these rolls in your life. When I looked into your sparkling eyes as a newborn I didn't know how quickly those five years would pass. I didn't know how hard it might be to let go of my Calli baby and let her become my Calli big girl.
I hope you know I will always be here for you. I will always love you and cherish you. I know there are many great things to come for you in your future. What a bright and friendly little girl you are! You are my social butterfly, making friends in the blink of an eye and commanding everyone's attention. You are beautiful, inside and out. I am excited for everything life will bring you. But can you do me one little favor?
Can you stay little a little longer? I'm not quite ready to let go.

On June 29th, 2005 at 4:46PM you came into the world