I Am Thankful

In honor of Thanksgiving I am going to stop focusing on the "don't haves" and think about my "do haves", even if it's just for a few days.  SO...here are a few things I am thankful for:

• My children.  They are the most amazing, beautiful, smart people I have ever laid eyes on.  And no I am not biased ;).  They are by far the best thing I have done in my life.  I thank God for them on a daily basis and I don't know what my life would be like if they weren't in it.  Quite empty I should think.  I can't wait for all the Thanksgivings to come when we are all growing older and gathered around the table, with their kids and their kids' kids and anyone else.  Children are magical and a precious gift and I love mine more than I could ever say.
• My husband.  I may not tell him how much I appreciate him enough, but I hope he knows it.  I have so many friends with husbands who don't help around the house much or pay attention to the kids.  I am thankful that mine is quick to pick up a broom when the floors are dirty and quick to take the kids (yes, ALL of them) to the park.  I am thankful that because of him we have our beautiful children.
• My health.  I am so thankful every day that I can get out of bed on my own two feet with nothing but my mind holding me back.  If I want to go out and run a marathon, I physically can.  There are so many people not in good health and to me, the fact that I CAN do these things means that I SHOULD.
• Grandparents.  My children are blessed with four extraordinary grandparents and are so, so, so lucky.  They never forget a birthday or a holiday or a random day.  They send things just because they are thinking of their grandkids and missing them.  They all have such a yearning to be a part of their lives and I am extremely grateful for that.  Again, I have friends whose children aren't so lucky.  I just can't wait for the day that my kids know their grandparents as more than just a picture on the fridge and a voice on the phone.  I look forward to when we can say "we're having dinner at Grandma's tonight!" or pop over for a visit without it costing $300 in airfare and a week's vacation from work.
• My beautiful sisters.  I get so frustrated with them often because they live their lives different than I would want.  And maybe that's okay, maybe I'm not always right and I don't get to tell other people how to live.  Sometimes we have to let the people we love make mistakes and keep our mouths shut through it all and not even say "I told you so" at the end.  I have many conversations with my sisters where I just want to pull my hair out and I'm sure the feelings must be mutual.  But every once in awhile when one of them is going through something heavy and turns to me I am there in a pinch and I am reminded of how strong that family bond is.  It doesn't matter how annoyed I am with them, I am on their side always.
• Opportunities.  The thing about life is that no matter what, opportunities will always come along.  Doors will continue to open and even if things aren't going your way now, that can change.  I am thankful for all the opportunities that are going to come our way, even though I hate waiting for them.
• Really good friends.  I have had many friends throughout my life and I don't make them easily.  Maintaining friendships is a lot of work so when they do come along, they are precious.  I have just a handful of friends I would consider myself close with and I am so thankful to them.  These are the ones who would drop anything to help out in a pinch and who know when you are having a bad day and just might need a drink (or two).  When you live far from home your friends become your family and you have no choice but to rely on them in the same way you would a relative.  I feel honored to be "family" to some wonderful women here and lucky that they are included in mine.
• 7:30 bedtimes for kids...need I say more?
• Diet soda.  I do believe I am addicted to it, but at least it is calorie/sugar free and it could be worse right?  I will always, always ALWAYS order a soda at any restaurant we go to because nothing beats that soda straight out of the fountain, freezing cold.
• All of our extended family I may have left out.  My kids are also blessed with some awesome great-grandparents whom I have adopted as my own grandparents.  How fun do I think it is when someone from Richard's side of the family calls to talk to me?  I am extremely lucky to have been taken into the family and loved by them.  Of course they love Richard the most, he is their grandson, but they make me feel special too and for that there are no words.
• Facebook.  I know, I am on it too much!  But I love it because I can keep in touch with people I wouldn't normally keep in touch with.  I have lots of uncles, aunts, cousins, in-laws, VERY old friends and new friends too and I love to see how everyone is doing without having to pick up the phone.  Impersonal, yes.  Timesaving, YES.
• A great book.  I haven't had the chance to read much lately, but it's one of my passions.
• Yoga.  It is my new obsession and I've been doing it three times a week.  Aside from being a great workout, which I never would have known, it is very calming and relaxing.  It helps me put my days in perspective and gives me a break from reality for an hour.
• A clean house.  It takes work, but when it really sparkles it is so worth it.
• MY FAMILY

I hope everyone has the BEST Thanksgiving.  And I just know that next year we will be inviting you all to spend it around our table.  I can't wait!!

Dreams

I wish I was able to choose the things I dream about.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could be guaranteed to have nothing but sweet dreams every night?  Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.  I woke up shaken this morning after having a terrible dream involving one of my children.  All I wanted to do was go into her room and hold her, despite the fact that she was still sleeping like an angel.  But I ended up staying put because I didn't want to wake her.

I despise these nightmares that I get, and I'm sure everyone gets, from time to time.  They seem so real when you are in them and you think your world has been shattered, only to wake up confused with relief that everything is actually okay.  It just reminds me that life is fragile and not to be taken for granted.  I think in a way I needed to have that dream last night.  Yesterday was a tough day, Mommy-wise.  I have good days and bad days, as does any parent.  Yesterday definitely was one of the harder ones.  I had little patience and understanding, so having this dream last night automatically made me wake up having more of those things.  All of a sudden all those little things seem so unimportant.  Does it really matter that Jameson dumped the crayon box out all over the kitchen floor for the zillionth time?  Is it that big of a deal that Serena didn't finish her applesauce at lunch?  Why do I care if Calli wanted to wear these shoes instead of those ones?  It doesn't, it isn't and I don't.

So this morning I feel a renewed sense of patience, understanding, love and above all, gratitude for the blessings I have been given.  I love my awesome, smart, adorable, cuddly, loving, naughty, mischevious, sneaky, beautiful children with all my heart.  They give me purpose in this crazy life and I am proud to be called their MOM...I just need a reminder of that every once in awhile.

Full of Thanks

My girls fight like crazy most days.  They bicker back and forth, steal toys from each other, argue over who gets their hair brushed first, and on and on and on.  Many times I day I hear the phrases:

"I'm not playing with you anymore!"
"Calli hit me!"
"I'm first!"
"I had that first!"
"Noooooooooooo!!!"

But every once in awhile I hear phrases such as:

"I love you, Serena"
"Let's play together"
"You're the best sister ever!"
"She's the cutest little sister in the whole world!"
"Calli gave me this!"

I have to learn patience with them over and over and over throughout the day and I must admit, I fail most days at it.  I want to be understanding and fair, but most days it comes through as yelling and time outs.  I worry that I'm setting them up for sibling rivalry or that they will hate each other when they get older because I unintentionally favored one over the other.

And every once in awhile they will surprise me.  Whether it's walking home from school together hand in hand having a sweet conversation about the lunch they shared and exchanging "I love yous" or insisting on sitting together to eat breakfast and dinner or sharing their toys so nicely when they play.  Those are the moments I live for and they seem so fleeting.

So when your older daughter has a school assignment that asks her to color a turkey and write on the back what she is thankful for and she immediately turns it over and says this (and please excuse the spelling mistakes):

Well, don't expect to not shed a tear or two and perhaps give a silent prayer of thanks that they might just actually like each other.  We can learn so much from children and their quick ability to forgive and love unconditionally.  It doesn't matter that minutes before these two had been arguing; the only thing Calli knew when she turned that paper over to write was that she was thankful for her little sister simply because she is her little sister.

Rockin' and Rollin'!

What an experience!  I figured I would try and put it all into words before my "runner's high" wears off.  You don't believe in it?  This is why I run.  I may hate it while I'm training, I may get down on myself when I have bad runs, but when I cross that finish line it is magical.  I feel a sense of accomplishment greater than I can describe.  I feel pride in myself, joy, happiness and relief all rolled together.

This is the biggest race I have run, by far.  I shared the starting line with about 27,000 other runners and the atmosphere was electric.  When you are a runner, it doesn't matter if you are fast or slow, you are all in it together.  Some may cross the finish line in two hours, others in six, but we all cross it (hopefully) and we all feel the same sense of accomplishment at doing so.  Seeing all different people from all walks of life running alongside you can be so motivating and heartwarming.  It makes you realize that truly anyone can do it if they set their mind to it!

I woke up at 4:30am, with the good fortune of never really needing an alarm clock.  Seriously, my body wakes me up at whatever time I need to get going, how crazy is that?  Nonetheless, I always set it as a backup.  I quickly got dressed, agonizing over what to wear.  The forecast called for temps in the 40s through the whole race.  I knew I didn't want to go heavy on the top and bottom and decided to pick one and go with my gut.  Do I wear capris and a short sleeve shirt or shorts and a long sleeve shirt?  Finally I settled on shorts (because really, I have trouble running in anything else even if it's terribly cold) and a driFit Nike shirt which would keep my arms warm, but not overheat me.  When I stepped outside that morning I realized it was not as cold as it had been projected to be and the thermometer in my car confirmed that it was in the mid 50s.  So I decided to bring my capris with me and change before the race if need be.

I drove along the quiet streets at 5am on Sunday morning to get to my friend's house.  She was running her first half marathon and graciously allowed me to tag along with her and her sister-in-law and another friend.  The one thing I hate about going to races is being alone and with this being such a big race I just know I would have been more nervous doing it on my own.  Instead I had that security blanket of being with people I knew and so instead of focusing on my nerves before the race, we got to enjoy some time together.  We drove to the AT&T Center downtown where they had free parking and shuttles to the race.  This is the third year of the Rock N Roll Marathon and 1/2 Marathon in San Antonio and I heard the first year the shuttles were a nightmare.  We were happy to see when we pulled up that there were many shuttles and the lines were extremely short: in fact we walked right onto one with no wait.

When we got to the starting line it was possibly the biggest mass of people I have seen in one place in my life.  We went to check in our gear and then used the bathrooms and that was all we had time for before the race started.  The elite runners took off at 7:15 and the rest of us would be released in corrals about a minute or two apart.  I was in corral # 25 and realize now I should have made my goal time a little more ambitious so I could be farther ahead in the corrals.  By the time I started the race I was already forty minutes behind!  So you can see just how many people were there.  Add to that the fact that a train delayed some of the first runners and the corrals had to be held up to wait for it.  It was a five minute delay and in my opinion it was just unacceptable.  I think that San Antonio did a fantastic job putting on this race, but that put a huge taint on an otherwise great race.  Times had to be adjusted for those runners who were affected and what if they could have gone on to win the race?  The ones who made it through before the train came by had a five minute advantage.  It was just crazy.

The starting line was electric with energy.  The corrals kept moving forward, walking maybe 1/2 a mile to get to the start line.  We were inching there and as each corral was announced to go it got more and more exciting.  There were two condo buildings on either side of the start and many people were sitting out on their balconies watching us.  Finally they called corral #25 and we were off.

I felt fantastic through the first five miles.  I tend to be hard on myself when it comes to pace and finally about two weeks ago I decided to take the pressure off myself.  Who CARES what my time is?  I do this for myself and no one else.  I am not out to win any medals, I am out to have fun and make myself and my family proud.  Slow and steady may not win the race, but it wins the race in my heart and mind.  I was feeling so good at two miles I kept wanting to speed up, but I told myself I would check in at five miles and see how I was feeling.  I will never forget how I felt at Mile 5 in my first half marathon: dog tired and wondering how in the world I would make it another eight miles (I have given birth three times and never have I been as tired as I was during that race).  This time I felt GOOD.  I took a gel at Mile 6 and that got me through the next few miles.  By 9.5 miles I was getting pretty tired again, but I kept reminding myself that I was closer to the end than the beginning.  Once you get up there in the mileage you can tell yourself "okay, there's only two miles left so even if I walk the rest of it I will still cross that finish line!"  It's so hard when you get tired early on because everything seems so hopeless.  I also tried to just trust in my training and my experience.  I had done this before!  I had run 13.1 miles before and I could do it again.  I had an amazing 11 mile run the weekend before and felt I could have gone farther, but didn't want to push myself since I had my race coming up quickly.  I held onto the knowledge of both my experience and my last training run and just tried to focus on the fact that I COULD do this.

I took another gel at Mile 10 to power me through to the end.  As I got to Mile 12 the crowds really started to pick up.  There were spectators along almost the entire race, which is really encouraging.  I think I just need crowds to root me on in every run I do, then I can accomplish anything!  People were sitting out on their hotel balconies, families were at every turn to root on their moms and dads and even people coming out of church stopped to cheer us on.  It was incredible.  Every so often I would get a rush of emotion and think "this is why I am doing this...because of this feeling of greatness".

The finish line was at the Alamodome and it was packed with people.  Once I saw the finish line I took off as fast I could, which was another contrast to my last half.  At the end of that one I literally had nothing left; it was all I could do to pull myself across the finish line.  This time around I still had some juice and wanted to finish strong.  I did it!  I crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 36 minutes, breaking no records and winning no prizes, but feeling fantastic.  I got a neat finisher's medal, much cooler than my last one.

The throngs of people made it impossible to locate my family.  I had checked my phone in my gear bag so I went to pick that up and discovered that I had no reception.  I started panicking after a few minutes because there was no way I would be able to find Richard and the kids in this mass of people.  I asked another runner to borrow their phone, but they were having the same issues as me (thanks AT&T).  There was considerable cloud cover that day, so I wonder if that affected the service.  Finally I started to get reception and was able to connect with Richard and meet up with them.  Unfortunately they didn't get to see me cross the finish line, but it was nice just having them there to meet me at the end.

The race was not quite what I expected it to be: I was really expecting more rock and roll and more bands, but they seemed few and far between.  When I saw the first one jammed underneath an overpass on a tiny stage I realized that this wasn't going to be what I saw in my mind :).  But that was okay.  I had my iPod anyway and you pass the stages so quickly that you don't have much time to really hear the music.  It was exciting every time I turned a corner and heard the strains of a band coming up.

The weather was as good as you can ask for a race here.  Last year's race had terrible conditions of humidity and heat and I was a little nervous about this year.  I don't run well in humidity so it would have been more difficult for sure.  The cold was great and the sun even stayed away, which was amazing.  When that sun comes out here it doesn't matter how cold it is, it beats down on you.  So I was very grateful for the cooperative weather conditions!!  There was no rain, which had been projected at the beginning of the week, but the weather forecast changes literally hour to hour here.

I am still living on my runner's high today and I feel amazing.  I know I haven't done anything spectacular: I haven't cured cancer, I haven't saved lives or touched anyone's life in any way, but I did something for myself that I am proud of and that's important too.  I'm trying to be someone that my kids can look up to and see that if I can do these things, so can they.  I want them always to strive for the stars and believe that anything is possible and if someone like me can accomplish a half marathon (or two) than anyone can.

So what next?  Well I just went and signed up for a Thanksgiving Day four mile race (and Calli will be doing a fun kids' run too!) and a 10 miler on December 18th.  You want to know why I continue to run when I complain about it and say I hate it?  Because even if the training sucks, the finishing is what makes it all worth it.  Why does anyone do drugs?  Just take up running and you will feel fantastic accomplishing these feats.

Maybe someday I will even take on the difficult task of a marathon.  Just thinking of it puts knots in my stomach, but the thought of crossing that finish line (bawling with joy I am sure!) is motivating.  So will it happen?  Maybe.  For now I am content where I am in my running.

Cuties

I am pretty sure I have way too many negative feelings and emotions these days to actually put them down on paper (by paper I mean cyber journal).  So instead of boring you with my rants, as good as it would make me feel to get it out there, I will just leave you with photos of my cute kids.  Because who can really be mad while looking at pictures of these cuties?

Calli and her duck enjoying a slush from Sonic (did you know they have Happy Hour from 2-4 and half price drinks during that time?  Those slushes cost about 75 cents).

The rare shot of all three.

 

 Don't they look so grown up?

 Is it just me or does Jameson look bigger than his BIG sister!

 He looks so cute in his Christmas outfit, even with a graham cracker shoved in his mouth.

 Jameson insisted on sitting at the table like a big boy, which is why we need a bigger table!  Which will not fit in our house.  Which is one of the zillion reasons I am ready to move.  Okay, I digress.

 My sweeties playing at the park.  Check out that wicked underbite Serena is sporting.  It should remind my parents of my kindergarten picture.  Braces here we come!!

 Serena's hair is so long and pretty!

 Feeding the ducks

 Jameson checking out the toy catalogue.

 We were beyond thrilled when the Giants took the World Series.  I sport this shirt around town on a regular basis (what??  Of course I'm not wearing it right now!!) to show my pride and to rub it into Texas Ranger fans everywhere (all the bandwagon jumpers!!!)

 Possibly the cutest baseball players ever!  Serena is right handed, but she bats lefty apparently.