Jameson Jameson Jameson. Sometimes this kid cracks me up and sometimes he just plain infuriates me.
Today for example. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but if you never give kids the chance to prove themselves then they'll never learn independence right? We went to Target. I told him he could walk if he stayed next to me and didn't run off. I repeated myself many times and he always said "okay". I don't bother telling this to Serena. She is pretty much the child that everyone wishes they had and in fact announced to me as she was walking along "I'm staying next to the cart because I'm a good girl". Yes you are.
Jameson not so much. We turned down one of the wider, neverending aisles to take us from one side of the store clear to the other. And that's when my mischievious son took off running, slowly at first and then faster and faster as he realized he was playing a game. Looking back at me and laughing. What was I to do? Calling out to him only intensifies the game for him and ensures that he will move faster. And I couldn't exactly push my cart and my pregnant belly crazily fast after him. So I walked and watched as he turned a corner and disappeared.
I'm not much for panicking usually. I figured he'd turn up. And if someone took him they'd surely give him back after about a minute in his company. It was just an annoyance more than anything. And then as I was getting really worked up that I had to walk aimlessly around trying to find him, there he was. He popped out of an aisle smiling and yelled "surprise". I didn't know whether to smack him or laugh. Okay, I was a little angry so I didn't laugh until later. I just stuck him in the cart, which he didn't love, but maybe for next time he will remember (fat chance).
This little boy can be the most infuriating little sneak and the sweetest little cuddle bug. He'll steal my phone when I'm not looking and hide behind the couch playing angry birds. He will steal a toy from one of his sisters just because he can and run around laughing wildly while he is being chased. He'll throw a block right at your head before you can even get the word "no" out of your mouth. (I'm pretty sure I've painted a picture of the most monstrous little boy with such little parental involvement that I should be ashamed of myself). But the next minute he is holding his arms up to me wanting me to carry him upstairs for his nap. He is speaking in his gibberishly cute voice trying to tell me something. He's putting on his sister's shoes and dancing around the room to a Barbie boom box. He's bringing Serena a tissue because she said she needed one. He's lifting up my shirt to give the baby kisses and then trying to show me the baby in his belly.
How is it possible to love someone and yet be so frustrated with them at the same time? I don't know. I just know it is.
Yes, I have made it through two trimesters and only have one left to go. Today marks 27 weeks (or six months if you'd rather). December 1st. Not that the baby will actually come on that day. I am anticipating him/her to be a few days late at least. But I also recognize that I have been more active and healthier with this pregnancy than I have with any of my others so maybe that will help? All I know is, babies come when they are ready!! I am just glad that I am due at the beginning of the month and not the end because I really wouldn't want a birthday that close to Christmas.
I have been feeling exceptionally good this time around, as far as pregnancies go. I don't feel super tired and fatigued like I always have. I really and truly think this is because I have stayed active. Although I have given up running (thanks mostly to the brutal South Texas heat), I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and do an hour of cardio each time. I also did yoga yesterday for the first time in about two months. I am hoping to go more often now. The class really made me aware of just how big I am getting and how unnatural it feels to carry this extra weight around my midsection! It's getting hard to manuveur my body in certain ways and especially hard to pick things up (like the toys I am constantly getting off the floor!). My kids don't always appreciate the bump and will plop down on my lap unexpectedly, jolting my hard stomach. Ouch!
Jameson is becoming aware of the changes. He is talking more and more these days, which is so fun. When we ask him where the baby is he comes and lifts my shirt up to see my belly. He used to lift his own shirt up when we asked about the baby, but I think he's come to realize he doesn't have a baby of his own there ;). For her part, Serena keeps asking when the baby is coming. That is pretty much the only question she has about the whole thing. She seems pretty excited for another baby and has requested a sister. Although when we were talking yesterday she came to the conclusion on her own that if we had a boy we'd have two boys and two girls and that would be fun! I keep telling her we don't get to choose and either one is great. And Calli can't wait to help take care of the baby. She adores babies and I'm sure will be great with her new sister or brother as she always has been. It's when they get older that they start to get on her nerves ;).
So just 91 days to go! Not that I'm counting or anything. Not that I'm envisioning a delicious margarita waiting for me immediately after giving birth. Not that I'm wanting to get back in shape again or anything. Of course, the thing I am most looking forward to is meeting our brand new little one. The three most amazing moments in my life have been laying eyes on our children for the first time. There is truly no other time that can compare to it. I feel excited and lucky to get to experience it once more, but sad because I know it will be the last.
So for those that do not have Facebook, here is a semi recent photo of me. I was 25 weeks pregnant! Sorry it is terrible quality and one of those annoying self portraits taken in a mirror, but it was the best I could do!
I have been feeling anxious lately. I think that's the right word; it's hard to explain really. I feel sad and angry that education is becoming such a low priority in America. There are deep budget cuts to schools in every state and we are certainly feeling it here this year. An entire first grade class at Calli's school was disbanded, sending the kids to different classrooms to increase the sizes of those classes and leaving a teacher without a job. Now I find out that one of the two Gifted and Talented teachers at the school was let go this year due to budget cuts. I spoke with this teacher last year and Calli spent one day a week in her enrichment program. Now the school no longer offers that program. Quite frankly, I'm offended that programs here such as public pre-k are still offered for children who don't speak english, but they are so quick to cut the programs to benefit children who need the extra challenges.
I felt a little frustrated when I found out that a lot of kids enter first grade not knowing how to read. That is fine and dandy, but my daughter has been reading chapter books over the summer and her teacher said that being proficient in reading was basically the only requirement to go on to the second grade (great, can we skip her ahead now?). Let me say, I have three more children yet to come into the education system. Who knows what their abilities will be? I even hesistate to say that because I see myself as an involved parent. I help Calli with her homework, I read with her, we are always learning things. I can't imagine doing the same things with the others and it not "working", but I guess you never know. So my point is, I don't mean to be presumptuous about her academic abilities. I don't mean to toot her horn over and over. If I have a child who is slower one day, then I would advocate for them in just as big of a way. But for now, I have a child who needs me to advocate for her developmental advantages.
I emailed the Gifted and Talented teacher this week, which is when I found out about the other teacher being let go (so sad because I met her and spoke with her a few times and she was wonderful). I expressed my concerns over Calli scoring very high on the academic parts of the GT tests last year, but the creativity portions holding her back. To be honest I wish they didn't make the creativity part so important to getting into the program. Don't get me wrong, I think this is definitely an important life skill, but it also seems a bit ironic. This school district makes kindergarteners sit at a desk for six hours a day (I left out time for their lunch and lonely recess, and perhaps a bit of free time in the classroom if they're lucky) and then they wonder why the kids aren't more creative. Isn't this a bit hypocritical? But I digress. My point is, Calli scored exceptionally high on the academic portions, so shouldn't that seem to count for more? Shouldn't that signal that she does need to be challenged in other ways outside her regular first grade classroom? But the test givers don't see it that way.
I found out that (also due to budget cuts) they don't test kids every year for GT. Calli would be skipping the test this year and able to do it in second grade. The GT teacher ended up pulling Calli's files and seeing that she scored very high on the parts I had said and that she is willing to let her take the creativity portion again this month. I am elated about this. I will be able to try and work with her a little bit and encourage her to think outside the box. I am also hoping that her only having to sit through a single test instead of hours upon hours of tests will be beneficial. When all is said and done, maybe she still won't make it and I will have to come to terms with that and take it upon myself to encourage her learning and make sure she is not bored.
I have always felt that parental involvement in my childrens' education is really key. I see so many parents sit back and just let whatever happens happen in the classroom. I am always needing to know what is going on and what is being learned. What more can be done. How I can help in the classroom. School is not just about dropping my daughter off and picking her up every day and education doesn't start and stop in the classroom. I have stopped and thought so many times of homeschooling, but I can't. There are social and life experiences I want my children to have that I can't give them. But I also don't want Calli to be held behind academically while her peers catch up. That's not fair to her and it doesn't do her any good in the long run. What is a mother to do?
It is a true feeling of helplessness to sit by and watch as the education system goes down the drain. I know I'm supposed to feel that "one person can make a difference" and "one vote really matters", but I have a hard time believing it. I don't think that anything I do could change anybody's mind about cutting funds for education. I'm sure I could join marches or write passionate letters to my leaders, but what good does it do? I am helpless. The only thing I can do is continue to be there for my daughter. To talk with her school leaders and possibly make a difference there. By getting her a retake on the GT test I feel I already have. And that makes me feel good.
