Hello Kindergarten!

Dear Calli,

I miss you.  I kind of didn't think I would.  At least that's what everyone told me.  "It will be nice to have a break" is what I kept hearing and thinking myself.  And while I must admit that it is much quieter, the house is a bit cleaner and the fighting has been nonexistent...I still miss having my little girl here spending the days with me.  You helped entertain your sister and brother, you drew me beautiful pictures and gave me hugs and kisses.  Now who is going to help me get snacks for everyone or tell me when I need to change a stinky diaper?

You woke up this morning so excited for your first day.  I, on the other hand, couldn't even fall asleep last night thinking about it.  I really didn't anticipate that I would feel this way.  I thought I would be sad, but I didn't realize how big a step I would think this is.  I didn't realize that all the memories of the last five years would come flooding over me; how I would think about the day you were born, replaying it over and over.  I remember thinking at some point during those whirlwind baby days that I had five years before you went off to kindergarten.  Five years seemed like such a long time, especially when you were a six pound infant.  Now you are a 37 pound, 43.5 inch little girl.  You grew up over these last five years and I have enjoyed watching you so.  I've lost my patience, I've cried, I've yelled, I've been less than perfect: but through it all I have loved the opportunity to stay home with you and raise you.  Now it's time for me to let you go on your journey through school and while I couldn't be more excited for you and proud, I am sad to see this chapter of our lives come to a close.

We had picked out your first day of school outfit last night, a pretty dress of course.  Unfortunately you were scheduled for PE today so instead of the cute matching black flats, you had to wear Hannah Montana sneakers.  But that's okay because they were purple like your dress!  I braided your hair just the way you wanted and packed your peanut butter sandwich in your new lunchbox, worrying if you would be able to open the applesauce on your own.  You insisted on putting on your backpack right away and carrying your lunchbox instead of putting it inside your pack.  I know you must have felt like such a big girl this morning.

We set off for school at 7:10am, but not before snapping many photos of this monumentous occasion.  Photos with Daddy, Mommy and your siblings were taken as well as photos of you alone, my big girl all ready for her first day of kindergarten.  You walked proudly with Daddy while I pushed Serena and Jameson in the big double stroller.  We passed lots of other kids and parents walking on our way to your new school and the excitement was growing.  As we saw the car lines forming to get into the parking lot I was grateful that we live so close and could walk so we wouldn't get stuck in that mess.

We walked into your school, an indoor campus much different from the outdoor ones I grew up with.  We turned down a few halls to find your classroom again where your teacher was outside waiting to greet everyone.  She seemed to remember you from last Thursday and was happy to see you.  We all got to walk inside your classroom with you and I helped you hang up your backpack and lunchbox on the hooks under your cubby.  You found your desk with your name on it ("my full name is Callisa, but it's Calli for short" you kept telling us) and there was a picture waiting for you to color while you waited for the bell to ring.  As you sat down I realized that this was it and it was time for us to leave you in your new surroundings.  I hugged you tight, trying to hold back the tears, blinking them back again now as I am remembering.  I told you to be good and listen to your teacher.  To have a great day and that I would miss you and love you so much.  Daddy hugged you also, slightly less emotional than me (haha) and we walked out, leaving you to conquer the world (or at least kindergarten).

Now I sit here wondering how your day is going.  I thought of you as I was making your sister and brother lunch and thinking how weird it was that you weren't here demanding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich too.  I wondered if you were running and playing during your one (don't even get me started on that!) recess of the day.  I wondered if you ate all your lunch and if you could open the juice and the applesauce by yourself or if you needed some help.  I wonder what you are doing right this instant.  I wonder if you miss me at all.  I can't wait to pick you up from your first day and hear all about the wonderful things you did today.  I hope you are full of stories and good news.  It has been somewhat lonely in this house today without you, but I'm managing.  The days will get easier and easier and I'll get used to having your gone.  But I will never stop missing you.

Breakfast on the first day of kindergarten...nothing new there!  A bowl of cereal of course.

Braiding her pretty hair

Sweet, sweet sisters!  Serena just might miss her big sister!

My BIG GIRL!

Calli in her classroom.  See ya, Mom, don't let the door hit you on the way out!  Okay, maybe she wasn't that mean, but she sure isn't one who is going to cling to me and cry.