Happy 5th Birthday Calli Rose!!

Today you are five years old! How did that happen? I think I blinked and you grew up. As each day passes my memories of my pregnancy and your birth grow more blurry. How can I slow down time just a little so that you stop growing for a bit?

You are my first born and the one who made me a mother. I love you unconditionally and forever. I know we don't always get along and quite frankly, you have the ability to make me want to pull my hair out. But I will always love and protect you.
It was a sunny, Guam day when you came into the world. My water broke around 7am, two days after my due date and I knew it wouldn't be long until I would be holding you in my arms. Who were you though? Boy or girl, I had no idea. I couldn't wait to find out! I took a shower, made sure I had all my stuff together and we headed to the hospital that Wednesday morning. After five extremely painful, pitocin-filled hours, I got an epidural and was able to relax and enjoy the experience of giving birth. It took about forty-five minutes of pushing and you were out. I had told the doctor that I wanted your daddy to be the one to tell me if you were a boy or a girl so she agreed to hold you up right away. When she did, before he could get a word out, I squealed "it's a girl!!!" You were placed on my chest and just stared at me. I remember thinking how beautiful you were, how round your face was, how I was glad you had a little bit of hair, how you had a little stork bite in between your eyebrows. You hardly cried at all in those first moments. They took you away to weigh and measure you and I found out what a tiny little thing you were: six pounds, eight ounces and 17.5 inches long. You were two days late, how could you possibly be so small!? By the time we took you home from the hospital you were tipping the scales at barely six pounds and had us a little concerned. But it was no issue as you put on weight pretty quickly and loved to eat every two hours. Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood. You read all the books, scour the internet for information, talk to your mom and other mom relatives and friends, but it doesn't really matter. Each baby is unique and each experience is different. Once I finally let go and allowed myself to realize that you weren't going to be exactly as the books told me you would be, things got easier. We settled into routines and things got better.
When you were just seven weeks old we upended you halfway across the world. Your birthplace and first home were in Guam, but you were only there for seven weeks (unless you count the nine months in my belly!). We stopped home in California so you could meet all your grandparents and other extended family before heading on to Texas. So far that has been your home for the last few years and I still don't know where to tell people you are from. Someday you might actually live in a place longer than a few years. For now I look forward to the day in school when someone asks you where you were born and you get to tell them "Guam". I am sure not many other small children have heard of that tiny island in the South Pacific Ocean. I had not even heard of it when I was eighteen years old! I didn't have the best experience there, being so young and living away from home for the first time. The island was small, run down and there wasn't a whole lot to do. I didn't make too many friends very easily and I missed my family. But I do have the best souvineer and the best memories because of you. How special that you got to be born in a somewhat exoctic location. None of the rest of your family can say that!
So here we are five years later. We have certainly come a long way. I can hardly see any of that six pound baby left in you. You are growing up before my very eyes: no longer a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, but a LITTLE GIRL. When did that even happen? You have long, beautiful hair and big blue eyes with the longest eyelashes anyone has seen. You have great dance moves, a loving heart and an inquiring mind. You are getting smarter every day, learning new things faster than I can keep up. I am excited for you to begin your next journey in life: off to kindergarten to start your education. How exciting! And yet, it's a little hard at the same time. Five years ago I had five years. I had five years to have you all to myself. To love you, nurture you and raise you. I wiped your tears, kissed your booboos, read you books and was your number one confidant and friend. Now I will have to accept that there will be others to fill these rolls in your life. When I looked into your sparkling eyes as a newborn I didn't know how quickly those five years would pass. I didn't know how hard it might be to let go of my Calli baby and let her become my Calli big girl.
I hope you know I will always be here for you. I will always love you and cherish you. I know there are many great things to come for you in your future. What a bright and friendly little girl you are! You are my social butterfly, making friends in the blink of an eye and commanding everyone's attention. You are beautiful, inside and out. I am excited for everything life will bring you. But can you do me one little favor?
Can you stay little a little longer? I'm not quite ready to let go.


On June 29th, 2005 at 4:46PM you came into the world

Happy 1st  Birthday Calli!

Happy 2nd Birthday Calli!

Happy 3rd Birthday Calli!

Happy 4th Birthday Calli!

Happy 5th Birthday Calli!

Calli's Dance Recital Rehearsal Video

IT IS OVER!! Thank God, is about all I have to say. Calli did fantastic! This is her performance on rehearsal night, which we were allowed to record. She messed up on one little part toward the end, but got it right on the night of recital! We are so proud of our little dancing queen. She is getting really good and has so much fun dancing.

Our Little Dancing Beans

Our kids sure do love to shake it! Even Jameson is busting a move in this video.

My Tonka Truck!

Our sweet little TODDLER (oh my, how weird is that to say?) had his one year well-check at the doctor today.  I love our pediatrician and look forward to seeing him because he really, honestly cares.  It took me four years to find a doctor that I loved and now I know not to settle for less than the best when it comes to my kids.  The first doctors Calli had were military ones; her doctor at Randolph was a Major and this always kind of bugged me.  She wore her uniform because she was IN the military and it felt really formal and uncomfortable.  I also felt very rushed always and didn't feel like she really cared at all about what she was doing.  But thanks to good ol' Tricare (as much as I get annoyed by our insurance sometimes I am SO thankful to not have to deal with Tricare anymore!) we didn't have a choice.  When Richard got out of the military and we moved across town, I looked for the closest doctor to our house.  Trust me, that is not the way to choose your doctor!  The one I saw for two years, because I was too lazy to make the switch, was very timid and quiet, very quick with the well checks and didn't make me feel like she had much knowledge of what she was doing.  There was a disconnect between her and the kids when she saw them, which of course there would be when you spend five minutes with them every few months.

So fast forward to when I was pregnant with Jameson.  I finally felt that kick in the butt to switch because I was having my THIRD child and a boy.  Things were going to be a little bit different and I didn't know that I trusted my pedi to do what we needed her to do.  A friend of mine, who has five kids so how could she be wrong, recommended her doctor.  I googled him and found reviews that stated he was very cautious, which some people like and some don't.  When it comes to my kids, I am all for being cautious and protective.  And honestly, if you don't like what the doctor has to say, they are YOUR KIDS, but at least I knew someone like him would present me with all my options and I could take them or leave them.

I met our pediatrician when I was eight months pregnant at an "interview" and he wasn't what I was expecting at all.  He was still very nice and given the recommendations, I definitely felt comfortable having him as our new pediatrician.  When Jameson was born and our doctor went to the hospital to round on him two hours later, catching his early signs of pneumonia, I knew I had made the right choice and was so thankful.  We have had such a great relationship with him ever since and I feel like he really cares.  He spends 20-30 minutes with us at well-child visits.  We NEVER feel rushed, I never feel stupid for asking any questions or being concerned about something.  He remembers my kids names and asks after them when I am with one child or another for their separate appointments.  He is everything that every doctor SHOULD be and it makes me sad that others out there are getting less than stellar care.

So today at 9am Jameson had his one year appointment.  We usually have the same nurse there and she is always so friendly and remembers us.  I was most excited to see how much my little (big) tonka truck weighs and luckily they do that part first!  Well he is tipping the scales at 24 pounds, 13 ounces, which is just shy of Serena at 25.5 pounds.  Pretty crazy!  He is also EXTREMELY tall at 32 and 3/4 inches, way off the charts.  Lucky for Serena, she is tall for her age as well so he hasn't quite caught up to her in height, but I'm sure it won't be long.  How funny it will be when they are four and three years old to be telling people that SHE is the older one because he will probably be bigger.

Anyway, the appointment went well, he is healthy which is always fantastic to hear.  The one thing I am concerned about now is a birth mark that is growing across his face.  The term "birth mark" I have learned can be misleading.  We are not necessarily born with these, but we have predispositions under our skin that will cause them to form later.  The last week or so we have spent quite a bit of time in the sun and noticed a dark form taking shape over Jameson's right eye.  We brushed it off at first, thinking maybe we had missed a spot with the sunscreen.  But when it kept persisting during sun exposure, I began to get a little concerned.  A friend pointed out that maybe it was a birth mark and I had thought that too.  I have several birth marks similar to his all over my body.  So I did ask the doctor about it and there's really nothing we can do to prevent it from darkening.  We can use sunscreen, but we already have been and it is darkening (and I use SPF 70!).  Quite honestly, I am annooyed.  Call me vain, call me narcissistic, call me whatever you want, but why is it one thing after another with this kid?  He already has a lopsided head and now he is going to have a birth mark over part of his face?  How is that fair?  We are going to see a dermatologist sometime in the next month to see what more we can do.  Why his face?  Why not any other part of the body?  I think my birth marks are cool and love pointing them out.  If it had been anywhere but his face, I would think it was neat.  I keep thinking it's a good thing my boy is big because he will be able to stand up for himself if anyone makes fun of him in school and we all know kids can be cruel.

One thing is for sure: we love our cute little boy, birth marks, flat head, squishy belly, chubby legs and all!

Water fun!

Summer has hit, South Texas style!  We got some extremely hot weather over the weekend, with the heat index being about 100 both days and no signs of letting up, save for the rainy days.  It's supposed to be a wet summer (joy!) so hopefully we didn't just waste our money on a bunch of water toys for the kids??

Our old pool started growing mildew and the slip n slide was ripped and not working right so we decided it was time for new ones.  We found a cute Little Mermaid slip n slide at Target.  It's not quite as cool as the other one, but it does the job and at only $10 what more can you ask for?  We also got a small inflatable pool that the girls love to put their slide in and play water sliding.  Quite creative my kids are!  Serena has slowly been acclimating to the water and likes it more and more.  I think she's realizing that it cools you down from the heat so it's a good thing.  She still doesn't like it in her face and will immediately run to her towel to wipe her eyes, but she is actually having FUN.  She gets in the pool, she goes down the slide, she laughs and plays.  What more can I ask for?  She gets excited when I say "let's put on our bathing suits!" instead of telling me "no bathing suit!"

We also got a very small one ring baby pool for Jameson to play in and he hasn't had a chance yet, but I think he will like it.  He is walking a lot, but not completely.  He still needs to use something to pull up to stand on and he falls after only a few steps sometimes, but he can walk clear across a room and even turn around and change directions while walking.  I am so proud of him!  So anyway, the summer will be more fun for him since he's getting out of the crawling stage.  I was really dreading this as it's hard for him to be outside this way.  Plus he gets even dirtier being on the ground like that and we have so many BUGS here it is insane!  I recently cancelled our pest service, but am slowly coming to realize that it is a neccessity here.  My kids are going to be out in the backyard walking barefoot and we have red ant piles.  Sometimes you can barely see them because they are flat and if we have a lot of wet days that means a lot of ant piles will pop up.  Why oh why??  It's weird that I even have to worry about that.  And all the bugs I see crawling around in the grass totally gross me out.  I keep thinking, sure the cost of living is cheaper here, but we make up for it in PEST CONTROL fees! ;) Never in my life have I see so many bugs and all different kinds and sizes.  The ones that worry me the most though are the red ants.  Here is a photo of my Dad's run in with red ants:

We don't have red ants in California.  Black, pesky ants, yes.  Red, biting crazy ants, ummmm no!  So when he was here he was kindly pulling weeds in our front yard.  He obliviously stuck his hand in an ant pile, never having seen one in his life, not thinking anything of it.  The next thing he knew, he looked down and his arm was covered in ants and well, that photo was the result.  I think he was a bit traumatized and I don't blame him.  So now you know why ant piles worry me.  If a grown adult will stick his hand in one, what do you expect from kids?  I've been stung before by them and those things HURT.  So having my kids in the backyard playing around them makes me nervous.

Nonetheless I see us spending a lot of time in our backyard this summer passing the days.  Give me a margarita and I'm set!

Still Running

Surprisingly enough, running has not disappeared from my life.  I wasn't exactly sure how I would feel once I completed my race and while I enjoy the benefits of running, I hate it.  I had little motivation to get out and run after we got home from Dallas.  Fortunately I retained some of my endurance and remember doing a six mile run no problem a week after my race.  But as the weeks went on I would always make some excuse to myself not to run.  I wanted to get out there 4-5 times a week but it was turning into 2-3 times.  Finally in order to get myself motivated I signed up to run a 10k in June.  I knew that this would force me out of the house and it did a little bit.  But I still wasn't getting in all the running time that I should.  So finally I got the brilliant idea to put myself on a training plan and lo and behold, I run!  The training plan calls for five days a week of running, but I've actually cut it to four and one day of crosstraining which is perfect for me.  I've also been doing some speedwork through tempo runs (where you start at a comfortable pace and build up to your 5k race pace about halfway through the run) and interval training (running a short distance at your 5k pace, recovering at a jog and then repeating x amount of times).  I've noticed a small improvement and wish I would have started the program a little sooner.  I don't think it will make much of a difference for my race, but I feel happy that I'm at least getting out there and running. 

I already feel like this race will be a piece of cake because it's half the distance of my last one.  Right when I signed up for it I knew I could do it.  It wasn't like signing up for my half marathon, where I had no clue if I could do it.  I have run much farther than this distance before and even last week ran seven miles for my long run.  I am excited for this race because I think it will be a lot of fun.  It is an all women's race in a town about an hour north of us.  The race starts at 8:30am which is what sold me because we won't have to leave at 5am to make it.  We'll be able to leave at a decent hour to drive up there.  I am sure it will be hotter because it's later than a normal race, but hopefully it will be okay. 

I have been running in the extreme heat lately and surprisingly enough, I haven't died.  It's not quite as bad as I thought it would be, but I've been lucky enough to do most of my runs when the sun is going down and not beating on me.  My issues have been with the humidity as it has been so strong in the air so far this year.  It's hard to breathe and makes you sweat like crazy, which weighs down your clothes, gets in your eyes, etc.  And the other thing that has killed me is the WIND.  I never really noticed how windy it is here until I started running.  And of course the wind can never come in from the south or the north.  I run an east to west route about 90% of the time and most of the time the wind is pushing against me as I step out my door and start on my way.  I get angrier and angrier as I run and it pulls me back; the east coast can keep their crazy winds thank you very much!!

I'm thinking the weather has to be a contributing factor for why people don't run here.  I am lucky to pass one when I am out for my evening runs and I never pass any on my morning runs.  It's pretty crazy!  I look forward to running in a place where I pass lots of others to keep me motivated.  When you do see others running it makes you want to pick up the pace and it gives you a distraction.  I don't necessarily like to run with a partner, but I would enjoy seeing others out torturing themselves like I do.

So what's next for me?  Aside from the race I have on Saturday (6.2 miles) I have a four mile race on the 4th of July.  It's actually right by our house, maybe two miles away so that should be fun.  Other than that I am scouring the running websites and there's just nothing going on, which disappoints me.  I know it's hot, but now I know I'm capable of running in the heat so I would love to get out there!  I wish Austin were a little closer because they have tons of things going on.  And I want more than 5ks.  I like challenging myself to do the longer distances and hope to run another half marathon someday.  I am not sure I will ever be able to work up to the full marathon but I might like to give it a shot sometime.  I try and remember that most people in San Antonio can barely run a mile and I should be proud of running shorter distances too.  But I feel the most sense of accomplishment every time I get done with a long run and I enjoy that feeling.  So I suppose I stick with it for the high I get when it's over.  And getting to eat the piece of cheesecake with no qualms doesn't hurt either.

Birthday Video

Missing my babies

With the celebration of Jameson's first birthday, I have been feeling nostalgic.  I am the first to say that I really don't like taking care of infants.  It is hard work!  They cry a lot, they don't sleep well and they are so demanding.  Worst of all, they don't pay you OR appreciate you so you're basically a slave for the first few months of their little lives.  So why do we do it?  Because it gets easier.  And because it's worth it.

It's hard to believe that we are done with the baby stages now with our three.  I think I felt a little differently after the girls celebrated their first birthdays because I knew there would be more kids.  This time, I think we're done and it's a little bit of a difficult pill to swallow.  So I've been looking back over baby pictures and remembering those days.  There isn't too much that is fun about infants and life is down right tough for a little while.  But seeing the pictures reminds me how tiny my children once were.  How they used to actually fit in my arms and snuggle their tiny little bodies against mine.  How they used to fall asleep on my chest and I could listen to them breathe.  How they enjoyed the cuddles and love and never pushed me away.  Is there any smell more captivating than a newborn baby's head?  A new life is so full of potential and so pure and innocent, it's almost overwhelming.  We try to hold onto the innocence for as long as we can, but the kids grow up all too fast.  I knew I wanted my kids to be close in age, but that also means I am done having them all too soon.  I just remind myself that it will be so nice to have them all out of diapers and not have to worry about going back to that and starting all over.  Even though Calli was two-and-a-half when Serena was born she was still in diapers, so I've never had any breaks between kids.

I love my kids, but they are growing up before my very eyes and while it's fun, it also hurts.  Childhood is such a small part of our overall life and it goes by in the blink of an eye.  Calli will be FIVE at the end of this month and beginning her new journey toward getting her education.  It's scary and exciting all at once.  I've had her home with me for the last five years and now it's time to send her off into the world, where someone else will be responsible for her well being for eight hours a day.  Serena and Jameson aren't far behind her.  I just hope I can hang on to their innocence a little bit longer.

So can you tell who each baby is?

 

My Cake!

I mean, JAMESON'S CAKE. I know, this day is about him...

 

But look at my cake!!

Happy 1st Birthday Jameson Robert!

Today (at 4:56pm to be exact) my baby turns one. Where do I even start when it comes to him? The last two years have flown by so fast and it doesn't seem possible that we're already celebrating the end of his first year of life.

He is my baby that wasn't even supposed to be, but I don't know what I would do without. He is my baby I got pregnant with when my other baby was five months old. I remember being so scared when I got the positive test. How could I ever raise three kids with two of them being just a year apart? That just wasn't in our plans: at least that's what I thought. We would never be able to fit in our small house, we would never be able to get through it without outside help. But we did. The things we actually CAN do when we think we can't.

He is my baby that was supposed to have Down syndrome. I know, I know: he doesn't so it's kind of a moot point. But can I just say how scary that week two Decembers ago was? Scary isn't even a strong enough word for my feelings at the time. Here we were with a three year old, an eight month old and then a baby with Down syndrome. How would I be able to do that? I didn't feel strong enough and it turned out that I didn't have to be. Against all the odds and numbers that were thrown at me (a 1/3 chance) he was fine.

So for me, celebrating his birthday reminds me of things that could have been and things that weren't supposed to be. It reminds me that I am not the one in ultimate control of my life and we don't do things on MY timeline. As the weeks started winding down last year, I got nervous. Having a newborn is difficult enough without having two other kids, one of them still a baby herself. I always told myself if I could make it through the first month or two, I was gold. That's when you start getting a routine down and babies start sleeping better. Well, we had the routine part down, but the sleeping not so much. I don't know how I functioned when, at five months old, Jameson was still waking up twice a night for a bottle. It felt like I had endured endless sleep deprivation and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. To make things worse, he needed the helmet right around that time. Now that I think of it, that's also when I took up running and I think that gave me more energy.

This has been quite an eventful year, moreso than any other first year I've had with a baby. Jameson decided, like his sisters, that he didn't want to come out on his due date last year. I wasn't meant to have my April, May, June babies, which was a little disappointing if I'm being honest! So he was evicted, eight days later and I endured a fairly easy labor and delivery. I remember laying eyes on my little boy for the first time. I got to see once and for all that he didn't have Down syndrome. I got to hold him for a bit, which is time that always goes by way too quickly. It is the part I always look most forward to about having a baby. There is nothing in the world like holding your son or daughter in your arms for the first time, when they are seconds old. It is all too fleeting a moment and you can never recreate it.

Finally they took him away to the nursery for all the routine exams and handprinting and whatever else they do. I was wheeled to my recovery room around 8pm and Richard went home to be with the girls. I was taken by surprise when our pediatrician knocked on my door not long after I got to my room. Jameson's oxygen levels were a little low and he had a heart murmur. I remember not even being able to fully digest this information. It was a busy day to say the least and I was exhausted (to say the least) so my head was a bit fuzzy. Jameson had to go to the NICU, which sounded scary at the time because it was where the sick babies went and I had just given birth to a healthy baby: I saw that much with my own eyes!

It was a much different hospital experience than I had with my girls. I was recovering from delivery, but didn't have a baby at my side. Instead of him being brought to my room, I had to go down to the NICU to see him. I had to learn my way around his wires and find a way to bond with him despite all the medical paraphenalia in the way. The following day he was diagnosed with pneumonia and put on a 7-10 day antibiotic treatment. I was discharged from the hospital with empty arms and went home to get a full night's sleep. That wasn't supposed to happen and it felt weird. We were a family of five, yet only four of us were home. The next week was a whirlwind of hospital visits and there is a well worn path from my driveway to Methodist Hospital.

When at last we were able to bring him home on June 12th, I reflected on how originally I thought that moment was going to come one month earlier. My original due date given to me was May 12th. It was switched the the 25th later on, then Jameson was eight days late and then had a ten day NICU stay on top of that. So there we were, a month later than orignally planned, bringing our baby home. Isn't life funny like that?

Jameson was a good baby and everyone adjusted well to having him in our family. Even Serena, who was a very clingy toddler and didn't understand exactly what was going on, welcomed her brother with kisses and hugs. The girls just doted on him and he seemed to enjoy their company as well. The months passed and I wasn't getting much sleep at night because he was a terrible sleeper! But he was so sweet and calm during the day that it *almost* made up for it. Before long, I realized that his contentment was leading to his flat head. He was happy just laying around and that was causing the side of his head to become flat.

So our next adventure with Jameson, as if the first wasn't enough, was the helmet. He wore this contraption for six months and never once complained. He adjusted to it way better than I gave him credit for and it helped immensly. His head assymetry was brought dowm from 14mm to 3mm. His brachycephaly was improved by 5%. His head isn't perfectly round now, but it's much better than where we started!

Our little boy has always been a BIG little boy. Born at 8 pounds 7 ounces, he wasn't huge, but he sure grew fast. By the time he was discharged from the hospital he was nearly a pound heavier. He ate four ounces every three hours from the time he was born. By his first check up at two weeks old he was already topping the charts and there he would stay throughout his first year. His weight began to dip into the 80th percentiles at his nine month appointment, but he is still a big boy. I think this has made him a little slower to hit his milestones than his sisters. Calli and Serena seemed to be in competition with each other; Serena had to do everything *just* before Calli did it. Calli rolled at three and a half months so Serena did it at three months. Calli crawled at six months so Serena did it at five. Calli took her first steps at nine and a half months so Serena did it at nine. Jameson seemed to be on his own schedule, which drove me crazy sometimes because I was always ready for him to do things before he was. I wanted him to mobile and play with his sisters, but he took longer to get the crawling thing down and when he finally did at six and a half months, it was only the army crawl. By eleven months when he hadn't taken any steps I was anxious. I had never had a baby not walking by their first birthday! But he surprised me and took his first steps (finally!) at eleven and a half months. Now he is walking more and more, putting 10-15 steps together before falling down. He is getting braver and braver to let go and make walking his preferred way of movement rather than crawling. We purchased his first pair of shoes over the weekend, cool Spiderman ones that he is still getting used to having on his feet.

It has been one amazing, eventful, busy and fun year with our little boy. He has made us so happy and I feel so blessed to have such a sweet, adorable and healthy son. If only he could stop growing so fast...

Welcome to the world Baby Jameson Robert!  Born at 4:56pm on June 2nd, weighing 8 pounds, 7 ounces and 21 inches long.

Jameson's stay in the NICU, just days old

Finally at home where he belongs ten days later!

Our first family photo

Jameson with his doting big sisters

His first holiday: The 4th of July

Learning to hold his head up

Just being cute!

Playing in his Jumperoo for the first time

Sweet little boy!

Jameson's first Halloween: as a black kitty!

Jameson and Mickey

Learning to sit up on his own

Our family Christmas photo

Our handsome little man

Jameson in his helmet (on his first Thanksgiving)

Jameson's first Christmas!

It's Helmet Boy!

Sleeping peacefully

Mohawk!

Playing

First family vacation at Great Wolf Lodge

Cool dude!

Happy First Birthday Jameson!!