Chilling thoughts

Do you know why I like the cold?  Aside from my theory that your birth season tends to dictate the type of weather you enjoy, I think I may realize why I prefer my cold weather: it makes me feel alive.  There is nothing like that icy wind piercing through your body to make you well aware of your reality.  I was leaving yoga today with this renewed sense of self (yoga will do that to you, honest!) and the day was deathly cold.  We are talking wind chills in the teens!  As a particularly strong wind gust cut through my body I was just filled with thankfulness at being here.  At being alive and healthy enough to feel this weather, to appreciate everything I have been given.

There are two particular things that make me feel this way: the cold weather and a good run.  When I'm out running through nature (or even just on a treadmill) I have a whole new appreciation for the world.  Once I have completed my run I feel so alive, like I could take on anything and win.  I think they call these endorphins, but I call it fantastic!  And then there are those runs (usually in a race) where I don't think I will be able to go another step and it takes everything I have to put one foot in front of the other.  At those moments I am so thankful for the gift I have been given to simply run (or even walk).  God forbid I ever lose this ability, I will be able to look back on these times and remember what it felt like to be alive.

My sister lost a close friend over the weekend in a way that makes you realize that you never know when it is going to be your time to go.  What if I dropped my child off at school today and that was the last time I would ever see her, would I be happy with the way I left things?  What if my baby never woke from his nap, would I feel satisfied that he left the world loved?  What if something is wrong with me inside and it's my time?!  These are morbid thoughts, but let's not pretend that we don't all have them.  I often feel like a failure as a mother because I spend a lot of my day yelling at  gently disciplining my children for one thing or another.  I never feel like I spend enough time showing them my love, but it is infinite.  I hope that will speak through even if I am not the best at showing it all of the time.

So the next time you get ready to complain about the bitter chill in the air, instead be thankful that you are alive to feel it.