Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me
I'm sure we've all heard that saying, but when you think about it, just how true is it? I know words have the ability to hurt me. Anyone who says otherwise isn't being truthful. Maybe words from strangers can roll off your back a little easier, but what about when someone you love says something hurtful to you? Most of the time, we don't even think about how our words will affect others. We say things without thinking of the consequences or we say things not realizing their true meaning.
A few weeks ago Calli and Serena were playing in the living room and Calli was getting frustrated with her sister. I heard her blurt out "I hate you!" When I asked her to repeat what she had said, she became embarrassed and didn't want to tell me because she knew it was a horrible thing to say. We had a talk about how hurtful her words were. I asked her if she REALLY meant it, if she really hated her sister and she told me that no, she did not. I told her it was fine to be angry and sometimes we get mad at people, but that does not mean we hate them. Hate is such a strong word. I don't know that even adults can properly grasp it's meaning, let along a kid, but we go around saying it like it means nothing. "I hate vegetables" "I hate the rain" I hate this, I hate that. One of my pet peeves is when someone says that they "hate" so and so. They hate this celebrity or that singer or the president or someone else that they've never met. Really? How can you actually hate someone you don't even know? Disagreeing with their views or the way they live their lives is fine, but hating them? That's a bit excessive.
Another of my pet peeves is hearing the word "retard" used in every day vocabulary. If I'm being honest, I used to use that word as well and I would venture to say that most have used it in a derogatory way at some point in their life. It is such an awful word and I cringe having to even type it on the keyboard. It is so offensive to anyone whose life is touched by a person who is mentally challenged. It should be offensive to everyone, but for some reason we've adapted it into our language and use it to offend others. When I hear that word come out of someone's mouth I automatically judge them. I'm sorry, I do. I think using it makes you sound like an uneducated, uncaring human being. If you can't find another word to use then that's pretty sad. I can kind of understand that if you don't have anyone with disabilities in your life, it's easy to think that it's just another word. But how quickly YOUR life can change and you can become the parent, the grandparent, the sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, teacher, coach, godparent, etc etc. of a child with a disability. Would you toss that word around so casually then?
Words can be distorted in translation and gossip can be a hurtful thing. I've recently been a victim of words being exagerrated in their telling to others and it's frustrating. "Well yes, I sort of said that, but not in those words and this is how I really meant it." Once something is put out there, it's really hard to take back or even explain. "Choose your words carefully" or "think before speaking" are some great cliches.
I'm not perfect. I am sure there are words I use in my vocabulary that others could consider hurtful and it is never my intent to hurt. I know I use words in a mean way when I'm upset, I have lied before, I've said things I wished I could take back. I get frustrated when I hear others mangling the English language or not using proper grammar. Yes, my family will call me the "English teacher" or the "grammar police" because I am constantly correcting them. I just believe that if you express yourself with proper words and sentence structure you will be taken so much more seriously in life.
As for Calli and Serena: well, they are sisters and I am sure I am in for lots more "hateful" moments. Before long they will be teenagers sharing a bathroom! I know that underneath all the bickering and teasing they really do love each other and someday they will also grow to like each other. I hope they will count each other among their best friends when they are adults and will be there for each other as needed. I know I don't talk to my sister as much as I want, but all the texting, facebooking and IMing does add up. I know when I truly need her she's there. She's the first person I called two years ago when I was pregnant with Jameson and my Down syndrome test came back positive. She's the one to whom I can say "oh my gosh, can you believe that Mom and Dad did this??" We can go for awhile without talking, but then pick up the phone and have an hour conversation about everything and nothing (I think we might be due for one of those). It'll be harder when she moves to the other side of the world in a few months, but I'm sure we'll still manage to be there for each other. And someday we'll live close to each other again and pick up where we left off: at the mall. Yes, I have no doubt that Serena and Calli will be just fine someday!
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